Did Someone Say Chocolate?

Even with the mess, we got it good!

My bad for not posting for a few days. We had a pretty good weekend. I finally got out to get some more clothes for Daniel. He's growing so quickly. I've had to buy him size 6-9 mos. I think those clothing manufacturers need to re-think how they determine sizes for babies (and women LOL!). Jeepers. Doug just tells people that if Daniel is 8 weeks, buy him size 8 months, 9 weeks - size 9 months and so on. Heh, that'll only work for so long =).

I re-stocked him though, so he's good for a few more weeks now. You know, I feel very fortunate that my kids will always have things they need. Sadly, it wasn't always that way. My hubby is a very good provider and I am thankful. The kids clothes all had been bought when school started. I bought a pile of stuff for myself when I started back to work last week.

In my previous post with all the pictures, I posted a picture of Daniel grinning at Justin. Well that picture is actually of Daniel's first giggle. His big brother got him going by slapping and making popping noises on his own cheeks and well...Daniel thought that was pretty funny. Justin was proud of himself for being the first to make him giggle. I thought it was sweet!

We also discovered this weekend that playing "Round-n-Round the garden" makes him really laugh.

While I am discussing new discoveries, I also learned that baby toys amuse and entertain nine year olds. However, once caught being amused, they aren't long trying to make a run for it!

So we're sitting in the computer room when Sarah comes running in hollering about the toilet over flowing. Doug just gives me that "oh good grief" look. When he gets up to check on it, I could hear him questioning the kids on who the last one to use it was. I put Daniel down and got up to check. Here's what I saw...

What a freaking' mess. It went all the way to Justin's bedroom door and soaked his carpet too. Apparently, Cody clogged it up with wads of toilet paper, didn't know he clogged it, flushed it and left the room. For some reason, the little black plugger thingie in the tank didn't close and the toilet just kept filling up. Ya know I needed to scrub in there, but crap, I didn't need the pre-soak with two inches of water first! Wanna know what's worse? IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME IT'S HAPPENED! You just wait all you parents with itty bitty babies...that's what you got to look forward to when their toilet trained!

Photographic Interview

Earlier this month I joined a forum. After that whole "wipe my blogroll clean" thing, I really went searching for something new and found a really great bunch of gals over there. It's a lot of fun and gives me something to read each day, plus allows me to feel like I'm connecting with other Moms.

Well yesterday, one of those Moms challenged us all who had blogs to partake in a Photographic Interview. I ran around today after work taking pictures like a fool (as if I had the time to do this. Oh well! Fun!). You can also do one yourself if you want to. I'd be happy to try to think up ten questions for someone!

Now keep in mind, I could have answered all of these questions with typical"my kids, baby, pugs" answers, but I decided that we can all assume that of course I love my kids, baby and pugs and I went with some fun instead. I also hate using the "extended text" option, but I will today in case someone has dial up and would prefer not to try to load ten pictures.

I retrieved my questions as instructed to do in the forum and well-

Hubby's crotch!

reading blogs and updating my own on my computer!

well...we all know what I wanted to post! But we'll have to settle for watching my silly little Bella go crazy on Dexter after her bath. She does it every single time she's bathed. I think she gets frisky or something!

oh gosh, how geeky...my "I am Canadian" Molsen t-shirt. I always change after work. I hate being in "dressupdoll" clothes around the house!

have breakfast!

our home, of course. Valuable as in cost and most treasured.

my husband! Ha Ha, I should have put his crotch picture here!

my bed. I never get to see it enough anymore!

my regular readers wonít believe the irony...Kraft Dinner Shit Casserole!

loves his big brother.

To answer the question...

I started to type this in the comments section in the last post to answer Humbaba's question as to my reason for calling Daniel's childcare provider a school and not a daycare, but as I began typing, I realized my explanation is a bit longer than just a comment.

My reason for calling it a school and not a daycare is simple; When Cody was four, he went to a "daycare". It was a zoo. Kids all over the place. Everything seemed disorganized and cluttered, kids of all ages mixed together upon arrival (to be separated out later) and just a general chaotic environment. I am not saying all daycares are like that, I'm just comparing my own experience.

The place Daniel goes to occupies almost the entire first floor of the church I work at. This is a HUGE church that just had a multi-million dollar expansion completed last year. It's in a very rich area of town and has very well-to-do members who pay "good money" for their children to attend. The school doesn't have regular hours like a daycare would. It goes from 9-12 with the option of an extended day (for more money of course) till 2:30. So a person couldn't work full time and use this facility as a "daycare". It has a structured curriculum, great philosophy and a loving environment for a child to be in. I work with the Director myself and she prides herself on being accredited by the NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children).

The thing is, working where I work, I know that if anything, and I mean anything, didn't meet the very high standards set by members, I'd hear about it! I think they have just over two hundred and fifty kids attend school there (I might be under estimating too). They have a nineteen member Board of Directors and over forty staff members (I believe thirty-five or so are qualified teachers, the remaining being administrative/office staff and that doesn't even touch all their volunteers or paid helpers/subs). Daniel's class has six babies ranging in age of two months to ten months and he has two teachers for his room. So, to me, it's just not the same thing as daycare.

Having Daniel attend this school wasn't really my concern at all. I know it's a great place for him. But for some reason, I find some comfort in calling it a school and not a "daycare". Call me a snob for it too, I don't care. It's just when I say "daycare", Cody's old place comes to mind and that's like comparing peas and carrots in my opinion.

First Day Rambles

We arrived at school just before 9:00 a.m. today. I barely slept last night. I've been going through some funky moods lately, so I was up pretty late having a very needed pillow talk with my hubby. Not sure if it's wrong birth control or some post partum stuff. I don't remember feeling this way after the other kids were born, but gosh, who knows anymore eh? My doctor says we'll switch pills as a first step and then we'll see what happens after that.

So none the less, it was after midnight before we actually settled down some to try to sleep, then I tossed and turned. Daniel surprisingly woke up around three'ish for his soother and kept me up and down with that for a little while. He woke up five'ish to be fed (which is still a great sleep for baby considering he went to bed at 8:15). I had to get up at 7:15 to shower and such so I could leave for work. God I was tired!

My first impression of his class was okay. Two teachers, six babies (although one baby is still due to start because he is two weeks younger then Daniel). The cribs look like little prisons. They are bare and cheap looking. No blankets allowed at all because of regulations (SIDS). That sucks! I know his teachers will be nice to him, but crap...why can't I just look after my own baby! I hate letting someone else do what I want to do. I'm in such a conflict over this.

As I told Doug today, they have free/developmental play times, feeding times, music times, stroller times, craft times, changing times etc... you get the idea. He's only there for three hours! After I fed him this morning, I left him down there around 10:30 a.m. to go clean my office. When I went back to pick him up, he had been changed, had a short nap, enjoyed singing time, had his first swing in a swing-o-matic and even made me a little craft picture! Awww. I should scan it to post. It's got his little hand prints on it. *weeeep* First day of school picture for Mommy!

So you know, it could be worse. He survived and I didn't cry...yet.

Final day of hell

Many of you remember my hell week when the boys got themselves into all that trouble! Well today is their last day of punishment! Sixteen LONG weeks. I'm not sure who I'm proud of more... us for staying consistent with it and not caving in after the first two weeks of it or them for eventually accepting it and making the best of it. Looking back at all they've done over the summer, the time spent n their rooms, the household chores, the school work assignments, it's amazing how it all turned out and how our days went. Yeah we had some ups and downs with it, but overall, they did great! I really hope they've learned something by it or are at least discouraged enough by the punishment they had to endure by us and by the school district, that they'll never ever want to get into trouble like that again!

In other news, GOD FORBIDE if Sarah ever grows up and reads this, she'll KILL ME on the spot, but my little eleven year old girl started her first period last night! All is well, she was already prepared for it to come. Thank god! We talked about it some more and are heading to the drugstore together today for some pads that are more suited to her size. Poor thing though, she's gotta learn how to walk without making it obvious. The kids at school will have a hay day with her if she don't. I'm hoping teen pads will make a difference for her. She says "but Mom, they give me a wedgie". I say "welcome to woman hood Sarah!"

Productive day

I finally got my two bedroom closets cleaned out. What a mess in there. Huge bag of clothes - GONE! *background cheers* I had already packed my maternity clothes away last month (and nooo, not thrown away or sold, I'm still hanging onto those "just in case" thoughts), so today was just for cleaning out old stuff and hanging up my new things. All part of my preparation for returning to work on Tuesday. Blah. I also got our computer room cleaned out. Our desks get so full of clutter, it's nasty. This place is also very dusty. I'm not even sure where the heck all the dust comes from. Gah. Oh well, all done.

I also made no bake chocolate macaroons tonight. Mmmm. Doug doesn't like them because they have coconut in them. More for me! Anyway, he's got his chocolate pie. You know I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was going to try making bread again...well I did make it and it was yummy and can you say with me "I'll never ever do it again"! Hubby never ate one lousy piece of it! Nada - zip! What a big fat waste of my glorious effort! *insert side note - by posting this tonight before bed, I'll be "owed" because he'll feel so guilty. Hmmm long back rub and then maybe I'll get me some! he he he*

Oh here's another picture of Daniel just because it's so fun posting pics of my cutie pie. Do you think this child could grin any bigger?!!! His cheeks are so chubby that when he smiles they force his little eyes almost shut. LOL What a sweet pea.

Sleep baby

Well, Daniel wasn't too bad yesterday. I think the combination of tylenol and shots made him sleepy. He dozed the majority of the afternoon away. He woke up once and was in obvious pain. He cried and cried especially when he tried to kick his little legs. I gave him more tylenol because it had been more than five hours since his first dose at the doctor's office. He seemed much better within about thirty minutes.

Anyway we made it through the day with out too many tears and this was the scene at about 11:15 last night, almost three hours past his bedtime...

We weren't sure if he was going to sleep through the night or not where he slept so much in the afternoon, but he managed eight hours after being put to sleep on mommy's chest! Sweet baby!

Here's the more...

I only now got a chance to post a quick update about today. Poor little Daniel. He's not been a happy camper. Today was his two month well baby checkup. The one I mentioned a couple of days ago that I was dreading. He in fact did have five shots. My big mistake was looking at them. The needles were so big, it just freaked me out even more. Well I'm getting ahead of myself...

His weight was 14lbs 7oz (100th percentile), length was 24.5" (90th percentile) and head was 42cm (90th percentile). He's a big boy, no doubting that. I've told Doug now he has to give me another baby, this time an "itty bitty one" please! The doctor said Daniel looks great, he's strong and makes good eye contact. I've been keeping his little bird clean and I pull it back like he showed me to do six weeks ago, but it was still growing over a bit, so he did a bit of separating around his circ incision. The baby did NOT like that too much. That began the drama for me.

The nurse came in with the shots after the doctor was finished. Five monster needles all in a row. I had been feeding and burping Daniel when she came in, so when I interrupted his feeding to lay him down, that didnt' make him to happy either. So, he was fussing a bit on the table in his diaper when she put the first needle into his little arm!!! Well, he screeched like I'd never heard him cry before and I laid my head on his and cried right along with him telling him how sorry I was and how awful I am for putting him through this. They don't even let you hold the babies anymore for fear someone will get poked. What a horrible experience! She then did two needles in each leg fairly quickly. I didn't faint, I just cried with my baby. I never ever want to go through that again, but according to the nurse, my next time is at 4 months, when he gets another five shots. *weep*

Weeep!

I never ever EVER want to go through that again!

More later...

Do what?

Conversation at the supper table tonight just after someone got teased about a potential "boyfriend/girlfriend" at school:
Taunting: Ewwwww maybe you'll get married.
Doug: "Hey I'm married, your mom's married. Nothing wrong with getting married!"
More taunting, more laughter...
Sarah (the eleven year old) spits out amongst laughter and gagging noises: "Getting married is gross because you have to kiss one another..."
Doug looks at me: "We don't kiss, do we?"
I shake my head trying to look serious: "Nah."
More giggling...
Sarah: "And you have to have babies!!"
Doug: "No you don't. You don't have to have a baby if you're married."
Way more laughter now as she spits out: "Plus you have to DO IT with one another!!!"
Gasp.
Both me and Doug look at one another: "Do what??!!"
Tons of laughter now as the Cody, the nine year old, spells out: "You know S*E*X."


Shakes head... =)

Waaaaa!

The doctor's office just called to remind me of Daniel's upcoming appointment on Friday. I had read somewhere recently about someone's baby getting four shots at their two month check up. So stupid me asks them about it and it ends up that my poor little baby has to have five separate needles! What's up with that??? The other kids have never had any more than two at one time.

I am a little worried about this appointment. I have to go alone because Doug is teaching that morning and I don't do needles well. For anyone that has followed my blog at all, you all KNOW how I feel about needles, but any new readers could just read Daniel's birth story and you'd know too. My last time taking one of the kids in for shots was the year Sarah started school. She had to have her booster shots to start school. Two shots, one in each arm. No big deal right? Wrong. At that age it usually has been so long since they had a needle, they don't remember what one is.

Well the first shot went okay. She was sitting on my lap and didn't really know what was going to happen. It wasn't a few seconds after that first shot that the screeching started. Then they tried the second shot in the other arm and she jumped causing the needle to come back out (and that was with me trying to hold her still which for a parent to have to do that is a HORRIBLE feeling). Well, the nurse ended up poking her three times to get that stupid needle in. By the third poke, I was out cold! When I woke up, Sarah was standing in front of me all red faced, sucking a lollipop and the nurse was standing over me smiling. I was all slumped in the chair (me with a freakin' short summer dress on that day, ha ha back in the olden' days when I could LOL). Well let me tell you, I felt AWFUL. I got so sick and dizzy from that. I had to get on the floor and double myself over. I broke out into a cold sweat and got nasty cramps. It took me about thirty minutes to pull myself together so I could leave the office. You know I went in there looking pretty good and came out looking like I had romped someone for an hour! God all that for two lousy needles!

As Wilma used to say "CHAAAAAAAARGE IT!"

Well I am not as beaten down as I thought I would be. I went to Kohl's and shopped for about four and a half hours. I spent over an hour just inside the changing room. My basket/cart thingie was heaping with outfits to try on. This was my first time shopping there for myself. I bought the kids clothes from there this year and really liked the store a lot. The stuff is much better quality than you can get at Walmart and the prices are great. I really think I did okay. As awful as I sometimes feel, I just kept reminding myself that I am fitting into pre-pregnancy size clothes with no problem and that's pretty good for being over thirty and having four kiddos, let alone it being only 8 weeks after Daniel was born. Now if I could just be satisfied and content with that pre-pregnancy size.

I have a horrible habit when shopping that I really tried to avoid this time. It's actually a lazy shopping habit more than anything because I hate to shop. What I like to do is find something that fits perfectly, is affordable and comfortable to wear, then I'll buy it in different colors LOL. How stupid is that? I bought a total of seven outfits for work, some more dressier than others. One of the outfits I bought was a dress with a button up shirt that goes with it, regularly priced $80.00 smackeroos and Ms. cheapo got it for $24.00! I also got three pairs of shorts, short coveralls and two pairs of capri pants for home wear.

This really is the time of year to shop for that sort of thing. I love seeing regularly priced items that's been marked down really cheap, THEN on top of that fifty percent taken off again at the register! Thirty-five dollar capri pants for eight bucks just rocks! I think Doug and I are going back to finish up on Thursday. That man needs some casual gym shorts and I bet he can find some on sale! *grins*

Just scratched the surface...

I've procrastinated it enough I think. I have to get my shopping started today. I find every excuse I can to "just go to tomorrow", but time is running out. I'll be starting work with nothing to wear. *grins* I mean I have stuff, but you gals know what I mean. It's washed out, doesn't fit or is just too damn old to wear anymore. That's what I get though for buying cheap clothes. I hate spending a lot of money on clothes. I mean I could spend a lot, who couldn't?! But, I just donít like to.

I don't care properly for my clothes either. They look okay that first day, then I chuck 'em in the washer. They might as well be a year old then. The most they get is cold water on gentle and heck they must be trimmed in gold to ever get ironed! I only just got an iron this past summer before Daniel was born and that was because my mother-in-law was horrified to find out that I didnít have one (my mom thanks her too!). *blush* Oh well, who cares, who has time to iron anyway, that's what dry cleaners are for. *grins*

So, I will venture out later today to get beaten down emotionally. I don't know about you, but trying on clothes depresses me. I just don't fit into what I want to wear. You all know what I'm talking about. Who has bodies like those dummies modeling the clothes? And if you do, then I hate you. I used to be really small (which makes it worse for me), even AFTER the three babies were all born, then I stopped getting the shit beat out of me in '97 thus started a chain reaction that I call "Relaxed and got a life". Sigh. I don't have a huge weight issue and I never pretend to, I'd love to drop another twenty pounds, but shit, who wouldn't? I also just had a baby and even though the weight fell off me with his birth, nothing feels the same yet.

My big peeve is finding shirts. I hate having boobs. I soooooooo hate them. I've always told Doug that if we ever have a few grand to throw around - chop chop chop! I get so jealous of Doug being able to hop out of the shower, brush his hair, throw on a shirt and pants and he's done for the day. Ready to go and always looks the same. ME? God. I hop out of the shower to struggle in the closet trying to find something to wear that's half decent, giving up after five minutes and throwing on my boxer shorts and one of Doug's t-shirts. Then I get to put on my face, oh joy. If you never wear make-up, don't start! It's a curse, but I can't not wear it, I don't feel like me without it. Pathetic. Then I get to screw with my stupid hair for twenty minutes wishing to hell that I could just get something done to it to make it right for once! After all that ís done, it only takes a bit of housework or maybe a jaunt to the store to undo all that I did. Being a girlie has its perks, but crap we pay for it in so many ways!

Just putting along...

I went in to work last Thursday to run both payrolls and cut checks. As mentioned earlier, Daniel stayed with Doug. I was much longer than I planned on being at work for which drove me nuts. I called a few times to check on Daniel. He was crying once when I called, so I had a bit of a panic attack. Doug says I have an uncanny way of calling during the one window of the day that the child cries hehe. I have committed to a return date for work. =( He gets his two month needles on Friday, so heís able to go to childcare at the church with me after that. I told them that on Monday I want to take Daniel to his class and spend the morning with him so I can get to know his teachers better and make sure he's okay. I'll start back to work officially the following Tuesday, Sept. 23. Sigh. My days are numbered now.

I'm not sure if I've ever dreaded anything more. I just don't want to leave Daniel. I know deep down, things will be fine. He'll be just downstairs from me the whole time. Working in the same place as your kidís childcare has its perks. I know the school really well and work closely with the director and he'll only be there three mornings a week. I just don't like it. I'm scared to miss firsts and all that. I want to be the one to do everything with him. My co-worker and I had a chat about it the other day and I think I summed up how I feel pretty good with this "I'm bitter about having to return to work. I want to, but I don't want to. It's a huge conflict I have. It's like I HATE the thought of someone else cuddling my baby, YET, if they don't, then GOD HELP THEM!" Make sense?

With that being said, I don't think I could stay home forever either. I did that with the other kids only to discover years later that I am a much happier person working. I have such a great job right now. It's so family friendly and my co-workers are wonderful people. When you go through a pregnancy like mine to discover you still have a job patiently waiting for your return at the end, you just don't want to lose that! Good environments to work in are hard to find today.

I went back to school when I was 25 and began working full time at a law firm when Cody started primary. I was a single parent and things were tough, but I certainly felt better about myself for my accomplishments. Unfortunately, being a SAHM is a thankless job sometimes. It's usually taken for granted all that a mom does all day or assumed she does nothing but watch soaps all day. Albeit I didn't have the support I needed to make that stay at home thing work well either and when I got away from that situation I found myself needing to work and support all of us anyway. Oh well, then and now stuff eh?

We had someone leave the office a couple of weeks ago which meant I got to take my bookkeeping position back which I was really happy about. It's a long story about what happened at work this year and I try hard not to discuss much that ís work related for obvious reasons.

Doug and I decided also that I would only go back to work part-time. Daniel is not a high maintenance baby or anything, but let's face it, I've got four kids, two pugs, a husband and somewhere in the mix a self that I'm trying to re-discover. Life IS busy.

GAH

I'm baaaaaaack! And can you say me no likey! I hate being without internet. Yesterday our cable number stopped listing our area as having an outage and we kept trying to reconnect and nothing. We tried again 'tis morning, nothing. Doug calls them again, this time the message says to restart your computer or router. DOH, we kept re-starting the modem and our computers, never thought to restart the router. Fuck me.

Daniel and daddy day

Going in to work today and leaving Daniel with his daddy. I've been working once or twice in every two week period to run payrolls and such throughout my maternity leave, but I've always been taking Daniel in with me. The kids have half a day of school today and Doug will be home for them anyway. It won't be too much longer before they will be spending every Tues. and Thurs. together. Plus I'd like to be able to get in there, get it done and come home! Daniel is never fussy while at my office, but if he wants to be fed or tended to, of course I need to stop what I'm doing. He's first! As a result some tasks that would only be two hours become three pretty quickly.

He slept again for nine hours last night. Brag Brag Brag. He's been doing this now for about a solid week, maybe a bit longer. Such a content little baby! Well I guess I should pull my ass up off this chair and go shower. I have no idea how I am ever going to get back into a routine to work again especially with baby in tow. Mind you I'll only be taking Daniel with me for three mornings a week and he'll stay with Doug the other two. We have decided that I will only be going back part time like I was before, but that's a much longer post for another day. Part time, full time, who cares eh? I still gotta leave my baby!

Almost the end...

Hurray, the boys are out of Alternative school. Their first day back to their school is tomorrow. We met with Cody's teacher's 'tis morning to drop off supplies and chat a bit in hopes of a smooth re-entry for him tomorrow. We had Justinís ARD meeting today to update his IEP. It went good, but was longer than expected. Justinís made a lot of progress this past year, itís a real shame about the bad choice he made earlier in the summer. I really hope we are not re-living something like this ever again. Oooo Kraft Dinner shit casserole is ready, more later!

Gooo Cowboys! Oh PLEASE.

Roll eyes here. Excuse me for not thinking "foolsball" is exciting. I mean a few games into each season I hear all about how much they suck ass, so why bother getting all hyped up? It's the same thing with baseball season too. Blah blah blah.

However, somebody is all ready to watch today's game with his daddy!

Daniel's birth story

Two long posts below, so screw it, while I am at it, I might as well post our birth story too. All last week I worked away on this page, coding it from scratch. It's nothing fancy because I only know basic .html and still had to search for help on some of it in the end anyway LOL. It's kind of long and only has two small pictures on it, so it shouldn't be hard for people to load with dial up. It'll be linked on the side bar after this. It doesn't have comments on it though, so any comments will have to go here. Sawry, I'm not that good! Enjoy!

Daniel's Birth Story

Bigger than me

I poked around some blogs today to discover people still talking about this breast feeding issue. I won't link them unless asked to do so. I suspect three of the entries that I read are directly related to my rant considering I was quoted on one of them. My first instinct was to defend myself, immediately! I'm stupid for feeling that way, I know, but it's a very frustrating topic for me. Then I followed some more links to other discussions etc. and realized that this is bigger than just everyone against Michelle. I take it personally because of my inner conflicts with my choice and the fact that people have pre-judged me because of it. The world is huge, I am not the only bottle feeding mother out there defending herself and I don't think people are purposely singling me out. I just happened to have had a few breastfeeding mothers with that attitude reading my blog at this time.

It's political. Very. Sounds almost conservative where everything is black and white, well this subject is gray for some. I didn't ask for it to be tough for me. Doug and I have spent quite a bit of time discussing this ourselves. I can't help but say a few more things about it before I let it go. First let me clarify my rant, again. It wasn't meant to spew off venom as one liked to refer to it as. I had a baby six weeks ago and am very emotional. I was angry, hurt and fed up. That's what blogs are for. Notice I even went back after the fact and cleaned up some of the language in that post because I normally don't post like that. I know what it sounded like. Oh well. I really am getting the feeling that myself and some of these women are discussing different things as my husband pointed out. The basis of their argument is formula is bad, breast milk is best and I am truly hurting my child by feeding him formula. That and the fact that I am making an uneducated, lazy, selfish decision to bottle feed. My rant wasn't meant to start a huge debate amongst bloggers on the pros and cons of breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. We all know where that goes.

No one ever said that breast milk isn't the #1 choice. My mind isn't closed on the subject, at all. We've read a lot and discussed options with our doctor. I don't feel that I am physically hurting the baby by formula feeding. He is doing wonderfully well. I would have liked to have used breast milk, but for some of us, it's not an option. Perhaps we do disagree on that, that's fine, but please understand that my rant is directly about the ATTITUDE of some breastfeeding mothers towards me PERSONALLY for bottle feeding. It is not a debate of who's right or wrong. You don't know why I made the choice I did. Maybe I wanted to breast feed and can't, you don't know! I struggle with issues surrounding my decision every day. I don't need nor deserve grief from anyone that thinks they are better than me. No one has asked me why I chose not to breastfeed. Not one person even cared enough too, instead they pulled out their pocket of assumptions and judgments and slapped them on me. Whatever.

When I referred to "lame excuses" on my entry, that didn't necessarily mean that's what they were to me. I just felt disgusted that people make me feel forced to explain my choice and even now, look at me, explaining stuff again. My decision is complex and I struggled with it throughout my pregnancy and still struggle with my decision now. You don't think I'm second guessing myself? A week before he was born, I was still talking about it with my doctor. It's not something I openly talk about because of it's personal nature. If you really want to know about my private issues and it bothers you so much that I chose to bottle feed, then email me. I'll be happy to share the past twenty-six years of my life with you, but don't you dare assume something about me without asking first. Just because you've come across bottle feeding moms that made an uneducated, lazy decision about breastfeeding certainly doesn't mean all of us made that choice the same way!

I am a bit disappointed. It was nice finding some blogs of other Mom's, especially the ones who just recently had babies too. My youngest being nine has left me feeling pretty unconnected with the world of mommies and it was great reading other people's daily stories of their new little babies or stories about their pregnancy. Why can't people connect on that common ground? Why do some have to be such snobs? Sigh. I've cleaned up my blog roll, not to satisfy them, but to satisfy ME! My hands are washed and now I'll be looking for some new blogs to read. Perhaps I can find some blogging mommies that will accept me for our common ground and not try to put themselves above me by passing judgment on what they know nothing about.

Happy Day

It was a good day yesterday. Doug had called Justin's school principal on Thursday to discuss Justin's progress in Alternative School and requested that she call his principal there to see if there was any possibility of Justin being let out early. When Doug went to pick the boys up on Friday, Mr. Swan came out to speak with him. He said Justin was doing great and he's really a model student. He shows no signs of having a negative attitude and really does all he can to "please" his teachers. He said he's unlike the majority of the students he gets in there and it is really showing that Justin doesn't belong there. Something we've said all along. Oh well.

He's agreed to release Justin when Cody gets out on Tuesday! Mind you Justin has graduated through all the levels on his own in this past three week period. He truly has proven himself in Mr. Swan's eyes, he's not being given a "free pass". He had assigned Justin a minimum of six weeks assuming he was the instigator. Cody's admitted reason now for doing what he did is "I was mad at the school for making me do so much work". Sigh, the why doesn't make it any better, but that sounds more realistic than "I was thirsty". Doug really thinks Cody was the leader and Justin followed him. We are concerned about Cody having anger issues. We are going to try to get him involved in something school related to help with socialization and involvement. Both boys will have their exit meetings at their schools on Tuesday. We will attend both and have Justin's ARD meeting on the same day. This was good news for us. We're glad it's coming to an end. Let's just hope they do as well in regular school now too.

Sarah came home yesterday and barely had any homework, so that made us all happy. She finished in forty minutes as opposed to the hours it normally takes her to do homework. Sarah had a friend in her class last year that she became really close with. I think I've mentioned her a few times here and there on my blog. Well there has always been something "odd" about her family situation. I could never pinpoint it but I always got strange vibes from the father in the family. Both her parents seem rather old to even have a child her age. They seemed more like grandparents. Also this friend talked often of having brothers, but that they were in foster care. She really is a sweet girl. A little dirty (not the child's fault), but genuinely a good kid. We've had her over quite a few times. I always felt uneasy about Sarah going to her house because of the "dad" so we would always encourage the friend to come here instead.

Sarah hadn't been able to reach her friend in a couple of months and last she had heard from her, she wasn't coming back to school and was being home schooled (which in this case really is a shame). Well, she finally called Sarah back a couple of days ago. Sarah was excited to hear from her. This friend rambled on to Doug for a few minutes before Doug could finally say "hang on I'll get Sarah". She said her parents are getting divorced and did Doug want to know why. Doug told her to keep it private and that sort of stuff is personal. She told him that her mother told her she could tell whomever she wanted. Doug just handed the phone over to Sarah after explaining again he didn't need to know details.

I was curious! So, I innocently asked Sarah about it and how her friend was etc. Turns out she is going to Justin's old school now and that her parents are getting a divorce, but Sarah said "I don't understand why though". I said "well what did she say was the reason". Sarah said "I don't know what the word meant and she talks so fast"... Well Sarah proceeded to try to pronounce the word "rape" three or four times not really getting it right. That was enough for me. I'm a little concerned that Sarah doesn't know what rape is though. I really thought I've educated her enough, but I guess I lack in some areas. hmmmm. Isn't funny about gut feelings sometimes?

Oh and more good news with Sarah. She had a project to do for school that required her to "construct" some sort of animal. Doug suggested she get her brother Justin to help her with it seeing as he's so good at building stuff. She hesitated than said "sure!". The two of them worked away on it and it looks great! We laugh trying to picture Sarah letting her brother do anything for her even a year ago! Family progress!

My wedding ring finally fit back on my finger. Hurray! I went into work yesterday (wearing pre-pregnancy pants too btw!!) with Daniel for five hours and he was a perfect angel. My co-workers say I should just get a little crib for him to put by my desk lol. My sweet pea slept the night before last for 8.5 hours straight (he has been sleeping for 6-7 hours through the night for the past week or so anyway). Amazing. He would have slept longer had I just given him his soother because he was still asleep when he started to fidget a bit, but I got him up to eat so we could be ready to go. He actually slept a lot yesterday. He normally is awake a lot during the day, but not yesterday. I think he's growing. Boo Hoo Hoo, time to make another baby! ha ha.

I am not dead

What have I been doing for the past four days? Well... let's see. Not a heck of a lot. Working on Daniel's birth story that I will post a link to later tonight or in the morning. That's kept me pretty busy. Doug and I went out to eat today at Ton's Mongolian grill. That was yummy. Been pretty busy with Daniel too. He's been sleeping really good lately. Some stretches of 6.5-7 hours through the night. I still feel tired though. He's quite sleepy in the mornings, but basically stays awake from noon until bedtime which usually ends up being around ten'ish. He cat naps during the day, but not for really long enough to get anything productive done. He's a good baby, he doesn't fuss a lot, so I wouldn't call him high maitenance...yet =). Now my husband on the other hand... I'd call him high maitenance! What a horndog he is! ;)

Andrea had a little baby girl yesterday afternoon. I'll congratulate her here on my blog because after my little rant about breastfeeding she politely asked me to unlink her because of our "difference of opinion" concerning breast feeding. I expected to ruffle some feathers. I was actually surprised she was the only one. To my defence I have nothing against moms who breastfeed or breastfeeding itself. As I explained to Andrea, my beef is with the moms who breastfeed their child while scolding me for bottle feeding mine. I'm sorry she feels that way towards me. All it did in the end is prove to me that it's not all in my head.

AC made a comment comparing what I said in my rant to him spanking his child or the parent who leaves their child unattended in the car. I find it a bit mind boggling to try to compare feeding a child to endangering their lives or even spanking for that matter. I'd hardly call formula feeding "dangerous", but even taking that notion of his... I didn't say I get grief from anyone over the actual formula I feed to Daniel, it's the whole "I'm better than you are because I do it this way" attitude I get shoved down my throat. Sigh, I don't care anymore. It's just a bit frustrating. Either way, I'm happy Andrea is home with her new baby girl and that all went well and whether she ends up seeing this or not is not my problem.