Being from Canada, it's a bit comical to look out my window to see neighbors shoveling slush and ice around with a garden shovel and a small rake (for what slush there actually is). We've been house bound for two days now and with my sinus cold that I've been nursing, that suits me just fine. My boss has kept in touch. We have some minor concerns about payroll, today being the day it should have been cut, but I'm sure things will clear up and we'll all be back to work tomorrow. The temps are just above freezing 'tis afternoon, which has the roads here melting some, so we'll wait and see how things are tomorrow morning. They are saying it's the worse Fort Worth has seen in twenty years. I'm sure next week, temps will be 70+, heh.
We did have parent/teacher meetings scheduled for Thursday afternoon, but Cody's teacher had already called us last night to cancel those and informed us Thursday will now be a full day for students. The kids have been quite happy with their days off. The boys took pieces of cardboard down to the park to slide on and Doug actually saw a couple of kids ice skating down the road. Heh. I'm glad this ice storm happened this week and not next. My ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday and I've been counting the days. I would have been very disappointed to have it re-scheduled. I've been sick a couple of times today, I think I waited too long to eat 'tis morning. I think I'll poof to read some more seeing as we've watched both our "24" videos. DYING FOR MORE!
We were told we could leave early today from work due to the ice storm that was making its way to us, so I left around 2:15 (only fifteen minutes early for me). When I arrived home, I greeted my two pugs as usual. It involves a lot of panting, petting, spinning, grunting, jumping, nibbling (hmmmmm almost sounds like sex with Doug!), then I let them outdoors to relieve themselves.
I noticed that our back door was unlocked, which has happened before because of forgetfulness, but what alarmed me when I stepped outside was Cody's screen popped out on the ground. #@%$! My first thought was someone broke into the house. I went back inside armed myself with a knife and two pugs (ha ha funny sight) and went poking around to the bedroom so I could grab the phone. I hate being paranoid, I was glad to see Doug home just a few minutes later. Nothing was missing from the house and for all we know the screen blew off and we forgot to lock the door, but crap, I much prefer not to be the one home alone for that discovery.
Justin joined cross country last Fall and this Spring its Track and Field as his athletic requirement. He really enjoys running and it's a good way to burn away some of that energy he stores. It's really early mornings (6:30 a.m.) for him and Doug five days a week for practice. I was a bit worried this year when we got the newsletter home about Track and Field. They have all kinds of meets for track and field, but only the top three qualifying students for each event can attend the meets. Track and Field is huge and I figured Justin would end up disappointed each time.
He came home today with big news that he qualified in the top three for two different events (mile and a half reley and the 110 hurdle) which means he attends this Thursday's meet. They issued him the school track bag, uniform and sweats. He's real excited about it and I'm a bit ashamed for under estimating his ability, but real proud of him too. I hope he keeps up the good work. Athletics are great for kids.
Oh and Sarah's bed arrived today. What a surprise, a black tulip bed, the same bed that moron boy told us wasn't available anymore. We still went to a small business, just one that was 30 minutes away, instead of down the street. We also saved about sixty bucks in cost too. Doug's setting it up now, wheeeee!!
Big grin tonight. Why? Because it's FUN NIGHT. Translation: Each year the students at Doug's University hold a Professor's Night Out. Free childcare. Well tonight, it's actually $10/kid for fund raising purposes, which is a bit expensive for child care for only 3 hours, but the kids love it and we enjoy the break. We had made plans to go out to eat with a co-worker of mine and her husband, but she just called to cancel because when she got home, her hubby was running a fevor. I've nursed a bit of a sore throat all day and I don't need additional bugs around me, so we'll do something else instead. I think we'll shop for a new bed for Sarah.
I swear...soooo many people around the church are sick. I'm bound to get it. It worries me too being pregnant and having so much illness around. Cody's teeth ended up soft due to a high fevor I ran during that pregnancy.
ARGH! I am having a MOMENT of SEVERE crankiness!!!!!!! Today at work went fine, but that furniture moron has really ticked me off, now I just can't shake the mood. Call it hormonal. Everything is makin' me mad. I feel like I want to yell and rant and stamp my slippered feet. If only I was politically inclined like my husband is, then I'd have lots to rant and rave about...er maybe it's better that I am clueless, heh. Hey! Wait a minute, I'm pregnant, I have more than enough to gripe about don't I? Hrmph!
As I mentioned, we bought Sarah a new bed on Saturday. While talking with the sales guy, I briefly mention how we got stuck with the floor model by this other place and how annoyed we were about it. This bed was damaged when we got it and at the time of purchase we were told specifically that we would not be getting the floor model. Sure enough, that's what they delivered...late at that.
Well, after buying this bed for Sarah, Doug told the guy he'd be right back to pick it up. When Doug got back there, they guy says "oops, I actually don't have this one in stock, I'll have to order it, we'll deliver it for free on Wednesday or Friday". Today we get a message from the guy "ooops again, it's discontinued apparently, I can't get it anywhere. If you want to take my floor model, I'll set it up for free". Doug looks at me...I look at him..."no freakin' way am I taking another stupid floor model, damaged or not and free set up means shit". God it makes me sooo mad. It's poor business. I'm sure the guy damn well knew he didn't have any in stock, we're talking about a SMALL business here, not grand central warehouse and what's this calling us on WEDNESDAY, the day of supposed delivery? Is he trying to tell us he just NOW found out he couldn't order it. It's just a whole pile of horseshit so he can try to unload his remaining floor model. Asshole.
Justin came with me tonight to walk the pugs. I had been thinking about whether to approach the subject any further with him or not. I was considering maybe leave well enough alone, but I couldn't. I gave some serious thought to this situation and to the advice I was given. Doug and I also have talked a lot about it and thank god we can be so open to one another about our sexuality, now or then.
I admitted that I have issues with porn. I know that I am not the only one in this world who does, I'm not saying I'm the normal one with my issues nor am I saying that I'm abnormal. I've just had some crap happen to me that I have trouble letting go of. Call it baggage if you will. I say it's life experiences, I am who I am because of any and all life experiences. Doug knew from the very beginning of our "book" together all about my life experiences and I like to think our relationship is stronger because he knows and understands me as a result.
I also decided that any issues I have are my own issues, not my thirteen year old son's. I hope to be rid of these issues some day, they are a burden to carry around, especially, considering I am in as great of a marriage as I currently am, but until then, I need to at least try to keep them separate from how I deal with the kids and their sexuality and stages of puberty. I told Justin I was sorry that I embarrassed and yelled at him and that if I had known what was in his box, I wouldn't have opened it, I would have left it for him. I also told him there probably wasn't a teenage boy in this whole world that didn't have something similar in their rooms too, that it was okay. I also encouraged him to talk to Doug whenever he had questions. I told him it was hard for me to talk to my mom about sex and stuff, but that I hoped he would come to us if he wanted to. I also asked him to find a spot in his room for that stuff that was out of reach for his brother and I promised not to go looking for it. I kept it pretty informal and basic and he listened very carefully, I can only hope I undid some damage my first reaction may have caused. Thanks for all of your opinions.
Okay, as comical as this might be, it's actually serious and I'm looking for advice as to the correct way of handling it...
So, today is clean your room day. I go in to check Justin's (13.5 year old) room because he says he's done. His shelf was an absolute mess! I checked under his bed...mess. He has some plastic storage bins under his bed that he was suppose to organize, so I told him to haul those out so I could look. He drug 2 of them out, I checked them...total mess. I said haul that other shit out here too. He stopped. I said again...haul that crap out here Justin. He reached behind and pulled out his Lego box. I said...not that, the other box. By the look on his face, I knew he didn't want me looking in that box.
I took the lid off of the shoebox to find some pieces of loose leaf. I turned the paper over to find cut out pictures of half dressed girls that he had cut out of gaming magazines and newspaper bra ads. I could barely look at him, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or yell. I decided to yell thinking laughing would have been more damaging at that point. I looked under the bed and saw a binder left. I said... all of it Justin, yank it all out. He pulled that out too saying he was sorry. Inside this binder was even more cut out bra ads. There were about ten pages or so. More yelling here with some fís, shits and damns in there too. Sigh.
I am not ready for this "let's explore my sexuality" thing. At least not ìfinding it in my houseî ready. I have NO IDEA how to deal with a teenage male and their sexuality. I know what girls are like based on my own experience and I'll tell ya, being female, I never had an urge to cut out half naked pictures of men. It's just not the same for girls as it is for boys (apparently). I'm sure he's embarrassed to death right now, but all I can say is he's VERY lucky that all it was were pictures he got out of newspapers. I'm not sure what I would have done had it been porn under there Doug says "welcome to the male mind", but not his mind, of course. Heh. Actually we're both kind of at a loss here.
I don't want my sons growing up treating women like sex objects and I don't want them having any kind of porn problem that their future girlfriends or wives will have to deal with. Not saying that him with bra ads is the same as him with 50 porn magazines under his bed, but I do recognize how I deal with this kind of situation with each boy will no doubt effect how he views those issues in the future. With that being said, how much is "normal"? Then, how much is a problem? Is it only a problem if the woman says it's a problem? As a parent, should I care about what he does with his own sexuality? Why do soooo many men think porno is perfectly acceptable and normal? Am I the abnormal one for thinking smut is a problem (careful how you answer this one, it IS my blog after all heh =P)? I guess everyone will have their own opinions based on their own experiences as do I and I will admit my own experiences with relationships and porno have been horrible, so maybe my opinions for my boys is unfair. What would you do? Ignore it? Yell? Have "the talk" again? Ask questions? Provide literature? GAH! CRAP. ADVICE ANYONE?
Today we took the rugrats out to eat with them complaining all the way again. I don't know about you, but when we went out to eat as kids, we were damn happy to just be going. My kids have to be some of the most selfish, unappreciative kids I've ever seen sometimes. Ya know, we pull up to order their food and instead of a thanks, we get mini tantrums from a ten year old because there isn't onion rings. We buy them new spring jackets that cost twenty bucks each, did we get a thank you? Nope, we got horsing around inside the store. We bought Sarah a well needed new bed. The old mattress that she was using was horrible, so we looked around in two local stores and found a cute day bed for her. It set us back over three hundred dollars. Did we get a happy child or a thank you? Nope, just a couple of cranky kids in a store that we had to tell a hundred times to sit down and sit still. Very frustrating.
I sat them down today and gave them a good talking to for about an hour and half. I had to remind them of how much their lives have changed, what their lives used to be like and what their lives could be like had we not moved here to be with Doug. It was a long tiring lecture, but a needed one. All I really want is for them to be thankful and I somehow doubt I'll get that. Are parent's expectations too high these days from their kids or have kids just gotten more and more to the point they no longer realize what they have? Long day.
When I left for work yesterday, I noticed my car had rain drops all over it. My first thought was Doug might have left the garage door open the night before. My bad because my sweetie actually took my car early in the morning and got me gas. We had car pooled the day before and I had mentioned that it was just as well because I was riding on fumes in my car hehe. I'm always so late for work in the mornings, that it's annoying for me to stop for gas and on the way home...well laziness and the lack of a convenient spot are my only excuses (with the lack of spot being a real loose excuse considering how many gas stations there are around here).
I still never run my car as low as Doug does though and I'm usually IN the car when his gas light is on and station is still miles away. I always get the reassurance "baby, I can make it, I got plenty of gas". ha, one of these days, he's gonna be walking!
Doug and I don't do the Valentine's thing. I personally think it's kind of a dumb so-called holiday. I mean if he can't be extra nice to me on some random day or get me flowers or a present for no reason, then I don't want some commercialized day telling him he should. It's usually not worth the pressure. He's always been wonderful to me anyways. I get flowers, I get surprises (I actually get whatever I want. I have to be careful as to what I mention around him that I want because I usually end up with a case of it), but mostly, I get his love and thoughtfulness ALL of the time and that means the most.
Back in December, I had posted questions about international custody issues because of a problem that was showing itself back in Nova Scotia with my ex, family court and my family. I didn't bother updating any further on it because it's just one of those things that I deal with each day, but prefer to ignore.
I used to work for a law firm back in Nova Scotia as a lot of you already know. About a year before I left, we had hired a new lawyer to clerk with us. I worked closely enough with him all year that I decided to contact him for some informal advice about my situation. My case is unique enough that it was impossible for him to find any information or case law that could help me out. In the end, his suggestion was to contact Family Court myself and request a letter of reassurance from the court that my address (once I provided it to them...ideally after the letter of reassurance was received) would NOT be provided to the applicant for safety reasons. My elderly grandparents were getting more and more nervous each day, so I went ahead and called. I spoke to the court appointed person for about ten minutes or so on the phone. I used a calling card so my area code and number could not be seen by call display. I was very friendly with her in explaining my reasons for not providing the court with my whereabouts at this time and that I was willing to provide them my mother's mailing address for receipt of correspondence if they would kindly stop sending stuff to my grandparents etc...I was also adamant about anyone accepting service on my behalf. I told her I worked in law, I know how all of that works and I do not want any of my family being served, that again, once the letter was received, I would give them my address. This lady seemed understanding and sympathetic to my situation. She advised me that she would be putting a request in front of the judge for him to agree to the reassurance etc and once received she would send all correspondence and the application to my mother and await my call (based on, of course, that the judge agrees, which she didn't foresee as being a problem).
After the phone call, I decided it was time I call my lawyer. This is a lady who handled my case from day one back in 1997. We had many successes together, she calls this case "her baby". My first mistake, in her opinion was calling Family Court. She tells me that most custody cases take place in the jurisdiction that the child resides in and by me calling the court, I may have accepted his choice of jurisdiction. Either way, she is suggesting putting forth an application of transfer, so the case would have to be heard here in Texas. Of course, we'd also have to retain a lawyer down here to handle the "incoming" transfer and the existing court order. This was good news for us at the time, but it's also pretty scary (and expensive) when you are messing around with the unknown, relying on one judge's decision. I told her I'd contact her once Mom received documentation.
Well, my mother called me at work yesterday morning, a sheriff had just left from serving her. The court appearance is set for March 14/03. The backstabbing lady from court took my mother's PO box address and tracked her street address down and had her served. There was a letter in there acknowledging my telephone call and request...blah blah blah, but it boils down to she didn't really give a shit and had my family served anyway. On the application this time, the ex is requesting that the children not be removed from the province, so he damn well knew I wasn't around anymore as he had never requested anything like that before. He was just playing the court as being stupid. He wants them every weekend. Ha ha, it's so very funny, this from a man who can't even convince a court that supervised access would be safe and in the children's best interest. He says in his letter that he's a better man now *insert gagging laughing noises here* and that the children and he have rights. I tend to think after a certain point of abuse by a parent, they forfeit their rights. There are some things you can't take back or make up for. The kids are much better off in this case far far away from him.
Very frustrating. I've emailed my lawyer, but haven't heard back yet. I foresee many more sleepless nights ahead and a big, fat hole in our pocket book to boot.
Ya know I toss and turn a lot through the night. We read it's normal during pregnancy, but maybe my fitful sleeps are causing my all too frequent headaches. I dream vivid, disturbing dreams about my past and future. I find myself dreaming about stuff that has happened to me or to the kids. I even dream about stuff that didn't happen, but could have. I am always being killed in my dreams, or one of the kids, or lately, even Doug is. A lot of my dreams revolve around my ex, they disturb me like no others. It's very different to "dream" a nightmare, then to actually "live" one, then dream about it.
If I am not dreaming about horrible past events, I am dreaming about scary future events, like the birth of this baby. You'd think after going through it three times, it would be a snap and I wouldn't worry about it at all. HA, I wish. I think about it constantly, I dream about it and I can actually remember the feeling. Having two out of three complicated births, this one really scares me, especially because it's been nine years since my body has went through it. Perhaps, it'll be just like the "first time" all over again. Or maybe because I'm so much older (as my dear friend Humbaba puts it) *insert mean face here to Humbaba*, the birth will be that much harder on my body or on the baby. Gosh what if something is wrong with the baby.. GAH ok enough. sigh. I'm sure every pregnant woman has all these fears, it just doesn't make sleeping any more easier.
Well here I am. A brand new home thanks to Chuck and his impatience with my tag-board. Heh. I spent a lot of time just messing around with the template on this blog. I was a bit disappointed at the lack of choices MT has for templates though. No little kitties or anything =(. As a matter of fact, I think they only had like five templates to choose from unless I was missing something. Oh well, what I have will do for now until I get that incredible urge to rip my hair out again.
The morning was long at work today. What I have been feeling for the past few days is exhaustion. The easiest way to explain how I feel is to imagine yourself running around your house a couple of times. Then stop. You are not totally going to colapse because obviously, it wasn't a marathon you just ran, but you are heaving with exhaustion. That's me. I spent a good portion of the morning with my head on my desk. To keep it up required more energy then I had to spare. I feel like I've done a lot of complaining with this pregnancy, but ya know, I truly just don't remember a lot of these symptoms with the other kids. I'm sure I had them, it was just SO LONG ago. =P
We had a small victory tonight...little Bella can finally jump up on the couch by herself. *insert background cheering here* We are very proud of the little ding dong.