January 27, 2005

Market Savvy

Jesus' General writes a letter to ConservaBorg news central (otherwise known as NewsMax) CEO, Christopher Ruddy:

Dear Mr. Ruddy ,

After reading an article at NewsMax today, I decided to click on the advertisement links to see what wares you're offering to your readers. It was an interesting mix of products--one that I've seen nowhere else. Of the sixteen ads, five touted male enhancement products and seduction secrets, four promoted books and videotapes on street fighting, and five tempted readers with the secrets of instant wealth.

As I considered this rather unconventional mix, I suddenly realized that all of these ads are based on a central theme: impotence. "You're nothing, you little wimp," the ads seem to scream, "buy our product and you'll become a real man."

At that moment, I realized that I am not alone--there are others who lost their little soldiers in the Klinton Wars --so many others in fact, that a popular web-based news organization has become a marketing Mecca for angry, impotent, conservative men like myself. You've found your niche. [...]

If I ever get huge and start accepting ads on this site, I promise it will only be for cool stuff that only cool people would buy. I will only do Amazon payola links for books that are really good. And I'll probably have a bunch of ThinkGeek ads.

Posted by Observer at January 27, 2005 02:09 PM
Comments

Comments on entries can only be made in pop-up windows while those entries are still on the main index page. Sorry for the inconvenience this causes, but this blocks about 99.99% of the spam the blog receives.

You'll go broke real fast. Besides the fact that it's a pitifully small market, your target audience doesn't buy much anyway. Besides, the theocrats will just take your merchandise list as a list of stuff to boycott and browbeat manufacturers about.

Posted by: Feff on January 27, 2005 03:09 PM

I don't think you have to worry about getting huge. :)

Posted by: Humbaba on January 27, 2005 06:13 PM

Unless you eat too much and don't exercise... :)

Posted by: Humbaba on January 27, 2005 06:13 PM

Or in certain circumstances that none of the rest of us want to hear about where felicity is the only audience.

-wink, wink, nudge, nudge -

Say NO MORE!

Posted by: Seattle Astronomer on January 27, 2005 08:12 PM

I ought to delete that comment so you won't be embarrassed by that awful attempt at humor, but I think instead I'll just let you twist in the wind.

Posted by: Observer on January 27, 2005 08:53 PM

I like it just for the Monty Phyton voice that is now in my head. Cheers SA!

Posted by: Polerand on January 28, 2005 03:07 PM