Carpe Datum

War Story

Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction?
(Image credit: Steve Jackson Games)

Tom Tomorrow has a good parallel universe story about the Iraq War:

The President warns of an impending threat.

Bush: We have proof that Saddam is creating an army of giant mutant lizards that shoot laser beams out of their eyeballs! We can't wait for the smoking gun to come in the form of a bunch of giant lizards!

Members of his administration put their own credibility on the line.

Powell: Not only does he have the lizards -- he also has the capability and intent to manufacture unstoppable killer robots! Honest!

The public grows increasingly frantic.

Voter #1: Do you have any idea how much damage an army of mutant lizards can do with their laser-shooting eyeballs?

Voter #2: Especially if they're backed up by unstoppable killer robots!

The inevitable war ensues, victory is quickly declared.

Rumsfeld: We have liberated the grateful, rose-petal-tossing populace of Iraq from their lizard-creating overlords!

Wolfowitz: We expect to find the lizards any day now.

Eventually, it becomes politically palatable for Democrats to acknowledge the obvious.

Kerry: Why -- there was never any real evidence of giant lizards -- or killer robots!

Edwards: Had we but known the truth, we surely would not have voted for this now-unpopular war!

Republicans, meanwhile, continue to clutch at straws.

Pundit #1: It says here [holding book] that there are many species of lizards in Iraq -- and some of them grow fairly large!

Pundit #2: Big lizards, eh? Well then -- the entire war was totally justified! We were right and the lefties were wrong! They should get on their knees and apologize profusely!

This whole reality-avoidance thing is the only way Bush-supporters can continue to function, I think. The whole conservative machine these days is spitting out irrefutable belief after irrefutable belief, without really thinking of the consequences when two irrefutable beliefs conflict. An example: The invasion of Iraq was a good idea. You disagree with that? Well, you must support Al Qaeda. You must want the terrorists to win. Why do you hate freedom so much?

And if you don't buy the irrefutable beliefs, every day is another chance for a distraction. If it isn't Sandy Berger, it's Teresa Heinz-Kerry telling some conservative hack "journalist" to shove it. I'm really concerned about what a John Kerry presidency will bring, because there is no question that if Republicans control either chamber of Congress, there will be a neverending stream of trumped-up investigations, each of which will be more breathlessly covered than the last by the so-called liberal media. This by the same Congress that is ignoring obvious Bush problems right and left.

It's depressing to think about, but "four more wars" of Bush would be far worse.

Posted by Observer at July 27, 2004 01:37 PM