Carpe Datum

I'm willing to bet she was already aware of what you told her, deep down inside. Her tears may have been a sign of letting go of the denial. You did the right thing, as you know. And you did it gently, which is more kindness than most students in her position may get.

True. Your posts show time and again that you do care, even when they don't, but even more so when they do care as well.

I don't even think a biology degree is the right thing for her. Crickey.

I hate to be a pessimist, but premature birth is extremely damaging. If she was born so early that her family talked about it enough to inspire her, she probably has learning disabilities or whatever polite term you prefer for cognitive impairment. Preemies who are "miracle babies" at 2--no cerebral palsy, normal vision, beginning to talk--rarely end up to be valedictorian. The sad thing is, it's not her fault, and there's nothing she or anyone else can do. Pushing herself harder isn't going to solve an underlying deficit.

You know, that was the first thing that came to my mind before she went on to say that's why she wanted to be a neonatologist. I thought she was going to talk about the struggles she's had to go through, etc. I imagine you are right about learning disabilities, but boy howdy, there's no way I'm bringing *that* up in an advising session.

I think that more than anything is what made me so sad. She probably wasn't crying because of what I said. She was probably crying in frustration because she's been up against this sort of thing her whole life. That's why I really encouraged her to get some health-related experiences over the summer and talk to people outside of the usual friends and family who had similar academic struggles for inspiration.

*sigh*

I don't share a lot of sympathy for these girls, most of them are "daddies little girls" who don't really have to work for anything anyway. They get to college and all of a sudden have to do something to pass and they get all boo hooey over it.. Maybe she's different, who knows, I just don't sympathize with them at all, if she's struggled all her life with learning disabilities, maybe she should set her goals to something more realistic and attainable. Don't set out to do something that you know is going to be the most difficult thing you ever do, then cry about it when you're told C's and D's won't cut it in med school. I mean jeepers HELLO! What did she think? My son has Asberger's and is reading at Cody's level (at best), I won't be encouraging him to go get a PhD. That may sound mean, but it's life. I think she should just get over it.

Just to respond to Felicity... Aspirations are great things. They key is to understand that they are just that, aspirations. There are more stories than I can possibly count about people who have wanted something badly enough to try over and over until they succeed. I have been fortunate all my life and as a result I *don't* struggle well against adversity. I am more inclined to find an easier road to my goals.

I have nothing but respect and admiration for people who try and fail and try and fail and try again. You only get to the difficult goals by trying and risking failure. (And it has often been said that if you never fail you never took the risks that could have made you truly great.)

Dr. Obsrever is one of the best people I know at encouraging people to understand that something may be hard or frustrating and that they may not succeed the first time without ever saying, "It's impossible," or, "Don't bother trying." The common thread that you will notice in all the stories about his students is that he has a soft spot for people who work and try even if they are not successful and no patience for those who don't try or waste his time and their own.

I think you did the right thing. As you point out, you *did* suggest the things that could be done to help prepare and improve chances for this student. There's not much more that you can do.

I just find it unrealistic to sit all teary eyed at hearing something you probably should have known all along. C's and D's just aren't good enough in the large picture, not for becoming a doctor. Like I said though, I don't know her, maybe she has struggled and struggled, maybe she is getting the extra help she should get, I just don't know, I just find sympathy hard to find. Perhaps if I had contact with the students more, I would sympathize. I guess, thats why my husband is the teacher and I'm the bookkeeper (you know what they say about accounting types) ;).

I know he's good at what he does, I never doubted that at all, I see him with my kids.